My unhappy Life

Lived life like I could in college, broke up with my boyfriend because I am not into this relationship anymore. Thought of freeing myself, and I thought I already found the one that could love me the way I am. I was confident in giving a chance, I knew this could work. Then I didn't know that it would end like this. Totally felt left out and being played around, my life is full of disasters and I really hated my fickle mind thinking for it.

Maybe you think I'm still a kid in my mind, maybe I am. I just like to pretend to be a kid because I feel free that way, this is how I am. This is me. If you can't accept it, then please tell me earlier. If you keep it to yourself, you're going to make both of us suffer. Oh well, sure you may not suffer but did you ever think of my feelings?

A girl's feelings is 10 times more fragile than a guy's therefore, think before you act. I have something to say that is very important to everyone, please be my friend first before anything happens. Before taking an interest in me, please know who I am first. If not I'm just going to fall into the depths of my breaking heart. I never want that to happen again.

It was kind of difficult for me to fall in love again, because for 2 years I was stuck with an idiot. When I had the chance to fall in love again it practically reminds me of my past. It was so easy for me to get a boyfriend back then, but society changed, people changed. I am not boasting anything but it's the truth. There were good and bad times when I fell in love last time, of course right? everyone goes through that.

But then again, for me to escape from my ex's cage has already caused enough damage to me, why did you have to break my heart right after that too. I still don't understand it. I know I'm never good enough for anybody and I'm not smart enough, let alone pretty. I hate myself.

But I can never hate you. why? thinking about this makes me lose my mind, you've took my mind and heart to paradise and now you left me dying in the desert.

But I never once blamed you for it. This is my 2nd time in my life being rejected if I recall it correctly, and I know myself better than anyone. I don't hide my expressions and people around me can understand immediately after looking at me, they'd know what I'm thinking. I never thought highly of myself before, I always put myself down low. and I pretend to be alright but inside I'm not.

Today I've tried my best to avoid getting in contact with you, and I will certainly do so in the future too. I am just not yet ready to face you, even if I look at you, my heart definitely hurts but what can I do when you already loved someone else?

If I break up with someone, it will be easy for me to befriend that person again, maybe we can be best friends even. But being a best friend to a person who rejected me takes time...

Because I was suddenly told like this, you need to give me time to revert back to myself. I can break down and cry anytime but I wouldn't want to burden the people around me, so I'm just going to hold my tears back. Hurt is just another feeling right? I've never felt this way in a long time.

Lastly, I would like to thank this person for letting me experience such care and love. I will take it together with me to my grave, and I will never talk about it to anyone starting from this minute onwards. If you plan to change your mind, you better do it fast. Once my heart is shut, it will never be open to the same person anymore. Even then, all the times I shared with you, I seriously loved every moment when you were beside me. Even if you didn't like it. When you were with the others, the feeling of jealousy just gain control of me, and if you could notice that every time that happens I am always moody and giving fake smiles. But when you came over to talk to me or even looked at me, it's like I somehow gain back my energy to continue living my life, but I guess all of it will be gone by now. As I no longer have a chance. ^^

Well then, find someone you really love and live your life to the fullest. To the girls out there, don't ever fall for guys that easily. Take it from my experience, 2 years in an unhappy relationship and always having fights and quarrels, including getting hurt, this is what I experienced in these 2 years. Plus this crush that I had, which only lasted for 2-3 months, so I've learned my lesson to never fall for someone so easily.

This is some long-ass blog in a long time!!! I wish that you could read this blog post. and I really hope you can spare me some mercy. I have nothing more to say than tears flowing down my cheeks.